The Percentile Please!

Managing two kids means twice as many doctors appointments to remember. With my first child, I was anal about everything- making sure to book the appts so I don’t disturb my baby’s feed/nap/poop schedule, dressing the baby appropriately so he wouldn’t freeze on the examining table, etc,. I even took time to review and research before the appointments so I can maximize my 5 mins with the physician and ask the right questions.

That woman is now only a distant memory. Now I skid in to the garage, park completely crooked, and run madly with my kids flying behind. 4 months after my son turned three, I finally managed to book my son’s 3 year check up. No time to research my discussion topics. I only had ONE burning question in my mind.

I have to pause, and describe my son’s doctor. When I first met him, I was shocked at how young he looked. He couldn’t have been more than late 20’s, early 30’s at best. He looked too young, too hip, and too friendly to be a respectable doctor. (To all my doctor friends, apologies ;-) But the minute I saw him interact with my son, my skepticism dwindled. And the minute he turned to me and said “…and how are YOU doing…?” I knew I liked him.

With my ONE question, I waited patiently in his 10 x 10 examining room. My young, hip, Banana Republic wearin’ doctor finally walked in, and we chit chatted a little bit, then he began examining my son. Weight- 95 %, Height- 97%. Eating well, playing well, sleeping well, potty trained, etc,.etc,.

“Do you have any questions?” my pediatrician asked.

“Yes, I do have a question” I blurted out before I changed my mind about my question. The young doctor looked concerned and put down my son’s chart.

“ I’ve been working on teaching my son to pee standing up and noticed that he is not peeing straight. I’m wondering if his circumcision was done correctly. ” The thought of having to re-circumcise my son made me feel faint. But I had to ask and consider the unthinkable- just in case.

The doctor examined my son. “Everything looks normal with his circumcision. Circumcision is difficult sometimes because baby’s the baby’s penis is so small.”

My heart sank. Now, I had a much bigger problem.

I asked hesitantly. “Did you say my baby’s penis is small? Did you mean relative to other babies or did you mean all babies have small penis because they are babies?“ Would my child be made fun of at school? Would he be shy in locker rooms? Would he have a poor self-image?

The young doctor paused. Then he panicked. He looked away, searching for an appropriate response. “Your son’s penis is just fine. Normal in every way. I simply meant all babies have small penis and circumcisions are sometimes difficult” He added, “I wouldn’t worry”

This still didn’t comfort me. Now I was REALLY worried. What does "normal" really mean? Did he mean normal big or normal small?

“Can you show me the percentile chart?” My child has always been a very big, off the chart child. He must certainly be proportionally-correct, right?

Needless to say, my doctor went on to explain patiently how such a comparison chart does not exist, and he emphasized again how my son does not need to be re- circumcised.

I still remain somewhat skeptical. I will never know how my son compares to the rest of the 3 yr old boys. In the mean time, I’ve got to figure out how to deal with keeping the toilet clean. Why do I have so many toilet related issues?

Sighhhh…