Every year, as long as I can remember, my new year’s resolution began with “lose 5 pounds.” Actually, this “5 pounds” quickly grew to “lose 10 pounds” when I turned 30, then it became “lose 15 pounds” with baby #1.
Like all things passé, I grew sick and tired of the never ending “lose weight” resolution. Rather than starting 2009 with “lose 25 pounds” after baby #2, I decided now is the time. It’s time to embrace and celebrate the new me.
To celebrate this liberating moment, I decided to go shopping for a bathing suit. Who cares if I’m big as a whale? Now I’ve got boobs. I’ve never owned a pair of bikinis because I’ve always been so flat chested. This was my one chance to actually own a pair of bikinis. I was thrilled!!
I was pleased to find the store well stocked with a new 2009 shipment of bathing suits. I walked right past the one piece bathing suits. Sneering at the section of Speedos, and other “granny” swimsuits, I was determined to get me a pair of hot bikinis. I was on a mission. South Beach here I come. I was determined to be the hottest mama in my toddler’s swim class at the Y.
I tried on a halter top from Juicy Couture. I was absolutely floored! My boobs were too big for the Juicy top!! All my life I wished for boobs that can fill a bikini top, and now my boobs were suffocating behind the bikini top. There was nothing neither glamorous nor feminine about my boobs. Definitely NOT Juicy. I tried on another cute piece from Lucky Brand. I couldn’t even recognize my own body. I quickly realized that I’ve been so busy, I haven’t even had any time to look at my body. The body in the mirror, was definitely not me. Who’s body was this with the sagging boobs, hardly any waist, and huge arms? I also discovered the flatness from my chest have moved on to find a home with my derrière. Crazy! Where did my butt go?
Completely deflated, I couldn’t stand another mockery. I quickly got out of the fitting room, and dragged myself towards the one piece bathing suits. I stood in front of what I initially brushed off as the “granny suits” section. As if it’s written for people who couldn’t read without reading glasses, the huge tags read “Magic Suit by Miracle Suit. Look 7 lbs Slimmer in Seconds!” Desperate to find something, anything, I quickly grabbed the miracle suit, and rushed to the fitting room. It was miraculous. The Miracle Suit covered me, hugged me, and hid me in all the right places!!
Unlike other years, I will not try to watch my carbs or hit the gym this year. I am not going to fret over the extra pounds, and lament over the lost youth. I’m going to celebrate 2009 with my new Miracle Suit bathing suit. I just hope I don’t bump into any ladies from the senior class at the Y wearing the same bathing suit.
Like all things passé, I grew sick and tired of the never ending “lose weight” resolution. Rather than starting 2009 with “lose 25 pounds” after baby #2, I decided now is the time. It’s time to embrace and celebrate the new me.
To celebrate this liberating moment, I decided to go shopping for a bathing suit. Who cares if I’m big as a whale? Now I’ve got boobs. I’ve never owned a pair of bikinis because I’ve always been so flat chested. This was my one chance to actually own a pair of bikinis. I was thrilled!!
I was pleased to find the store well stocked with a new 2009 shipment of bathing suits. I walked right past the one piece bathing suits. Sneering at the section of Speedos, and other “granny” swimsuits, I was determined to get me a pair of hot bikinis. I was on a mission. South Beach here I come. I was determined to be the hottest mama in my toddler’s swim class at the Y.
I tried on a halter top from Juicy Couture. I was absolutely floored! My boobs were too big for the Juicy top!! All my life I wished for boobs that can fill a bikini top, and now my boobs were suffocating behind the bikini top. There was nothing neither glamorous nor feminine about my boobs. Definitely NOT Juicy. I tried on another cute piece from Lucky Brand. I couldn’t even recognize my own body. I quickly realized that I’ve been so busy, I haven’t even had any time to look at my body. The body in the mirror, was definitely not me. Who’s body was this with the sagging boobs, hardly any waist, and huge arms? I also discovered the flatness from my chest have moved on to find a home with my derrière. Crazy! Where did my butt go?
Completely deflated, I couldn’t stand another mockery. I quickly got out of the fitting room, and dragged myself towards the one piece bathing suits. I stood in front of what I initially brushed off as the “granny suits” section. As if it’s written for people who couldn’t read without reading glasses, the huge tags read “Magic Suit by Miracle Suit. Look 7 lbs Slimmer in Seconds!” Desperate to find something, anything, I quickly grabbed the miracle suit, and rushed to the fitting room. It was miraculous. The Miracle Suit covered me, hugged me, and hid me in all the right places!!
Unlike other years, I will not try to watch my carbs or hit the gym this year. I am not going to fret over the extra pounds, and lament over the lost youth. I’m going to celebrate 2009 with my new Miracle Suit bathing suit. I just hope I don’t bump into any ladies from the senior class at the Y wearing the same bathing suit.
Amen, sister!
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